Jim Crow

Today, while driving back from work, I saw a man walking past wearing a typical second-hand(“mitumba”) hooded jumper. Across the front of the hoodie was printed the name: “JIM”, and in the rear-view mirror I saw the words “CROW” printed across his back. I stopped the car immediately, leaped out, and ran after the man, intending to purchase the hoodie off his back. After all, where does one find a Jim Crow t-shirt but in Kenya ?

But, the man upon hearing my footsteps, looked back at me, and sprinted away into the distance, yelling “FBI !!”, “FBI !!!”.

(Admittedly I was wearing a black jacket, and sun-glasses, and the man I think I had been on an entertainment diet of Hollywood thrillers)

Paper bag vs Plastic bag

If you are a plastic-bag salesman in Nairobi, I feel your pain.
I know what a difficult job you have. Why ?

Because, exhibit #1 : (note the plastic bag circled in yellow held by young woman in super-girl t-shirt)

and exhibit #2 , the caption for the above image (note again the part highlighted in yellow):

this is the caption : “…this woman is being served a food ration in a paper bag….yes, a paper bag”.

Noooo…..plastic bag, damn it, plastic bag.

Why is a plastic bag called a paper bag in Kenya? What is a bag made of paper called then ?

(The subject is close to my heart, because in my youth, for a brief period, I was a plastic-bag salesman, until European legislation bankrupted the plastic-bag firm I was working for. It wasn’t a great job, its hard to get laid when your business card says “Plastic bag Salesman” in French.)

New Business Proposition, Vacancies Open

I have decided to quit my day job and start a new business.  Henceforth, I shall manufacture and sell Soap. Yes, soap:

One soap — made of exactly the same ingredients — but marketed via an armada of 42 brands. The registered brand names are as follows:

Kikuyu Soap™
Luo Soap™
Luhya Soap™
Kalenjin Soap™
Kisii Soap™
Masaai Soap™
……..
……..

The diversity of such a business model can overcome any form of Economic Boycott: You buy the brand that best suits you, and shun the abhorrent brands.

For those hapless people with hybrid affiliations – the possibilities are many: You buy bars of soap for multiple brands, and use appropriately as the situation demands.

[Warning: Certain combinations may cause a severe rash.***

***While the manufacturers make every attempt to test the effects of mixing different brands, the possibilities of combinations from 42 brands are too multitudinous to be thoroughly tested.]

Applications are invited from suitable candidates for Marketing and Sales positions:

• Knowledge and fluency of the vernacular mandatory for all marketing positions.
• All Sales positions will include a thorough medical checkup – surgical procedures / corrective-plastic-surgery (if required), provided free of charge as part of the recruitment process.