Hummer Plague strikes again

You know the hummer-plague has reached epidemic proportions when, you find hummer toys being sold on the streets:

(above: smiling man selling hummer. women and children hide right now)

(Coincidentally, I had Mozart’s requiem mass in D minor playing on my car’s stereo)

Olympics in Kenya

A prediction of future events follows in incremental chronological order:

1. Kenya is awarded the Olympics
2. Torch relay commences
3. Disagreements on who shall carry the torch
4. As a compromise Kofi Annan (now, a ripe, but fit 100) is ordered to carry the torch around the world
5. Aging celibate blogger and currency-note-portrait-lover man ,now happily married together, with a small army of children, are deputed as torch-handlers (wearing nifty Olympic track suits)
6. preacher-girl gets contract to run the Olympics website (after a thorough “christian” evaluation process)
7. Website is hosted in a digital village
8. While running through the streets of Rio di Janeiro, Kofi Annan collapses and dies of cholera
9. President Kibaki (still living, on borrowed organs) rushes to snatch the torch, and become its sole bearer , but is thwarted, and run over by the Prime Minister (still alive, and unfortunately, still designate) using his electrically powered Hummer
10. Currency-note-portrait-lover man breaks into loud cheers, hugs the designated driver/prime-minister, and immediately “comes out of the closet“
11. Love mushrooms, and a Marriage breaks up.
12. Currency-note-portrait-lover-man and the primer minister move in together, and live happily ever after, in a skyscraper in Kibera
13. Heartbroken Celibate blogger takes over and becomes the first celibate president (also see) of the free world
14. Olympic website crashes because of un-christian behaviour of torch guardians, and the digital village is smitten off the face of the earth
15. Distraught preacher-girl converts to catholicism, and becomes the first female pope
16. The Olympics are called off, and then awarded to a jointly hosted bid by Darfur, Tibet and Palestine.
17. World war III ensues

Note: There is a science-fiction movie script in there which would beat the pants of any movie about people marooned in an elevator.

Case for a new, lethal, airbrorne Virus

A government of 1 president, 1 vice president, 1 prime minister, 2 deputies, 40 ministers, 40+ assistant ministers, all their wives and kids, fleet of land yachts, policemen, body guards, security dogs, and a few hookers thrown in for good measure == 30 million dollars annually.

Instead, the same money could be given to a pharmaceutical company to develop a new strain of virus, something air-borne and virulent -  a manic cross between H5N1 and Ug99. This special strain of virus, incorporating the miracles of modern technology, and the search capabilities of google will be designed to infect everybody meeting the following criteria:

people inside shiny cars weighing over 2 tonnes; people owning yellow suits; lovers of currency-note portraits; users of fairness cream; singers of “Jambo Bwana” etc.

The virus will invade the subjects, and in a few hours, turn them into free-range chickens for general human consumption. Thus solving the twin problems of stupidity and world hunger, forever.

Note: I have a yellow suit, and a 2 tonne car – which means I would yield 2 chickens. Corresponding math required for president, prime minister, first lady, george bush etc.