Olympics in Kenya

A prediction of future events follows in incremental chronological order:

1. Kenya is awarded the Olympics
2. Torch relay commences
3. Disagreements on who shall carry the torch
4. As a compromise Kofi Annan (now, a ripe, but fit 100) is ordered to carry the torch around the world
5. Aging celibate blogger and currency-note-portrait-lover man ,now happily married together, with a small army of children, are deputed as torch-handlers (wearing nifty Olympic track suits)
6. preacher-girl gets contract to run the Olympics website (after a thorough “christian” evaluation process)
7. Website is hosted in a digital village
8. While running through the streets of Rio di Janeiro, Kofi Annan collapses and dies of cholera
9. President Kibaki (still living, on borrowed organs) rushes to snatch the torch, and become its sole bearer , but is thwarted, and run over by the Prime Minister (still alive, and unfortunately, still designate) using his electrically powered Hummer
10. Currency-note-portrait-lover man breaks into loud cheers, hugs the designated driver/prime-minister, and immediately “comes out of the closet“
11. Love mushrooms, and a Marriage breaks up.
12. Currency-note-portrait-lover-man and the primer minister move in together, and live happily ever after, in a skyscraper in Kibera
13. Heartbroken Celibate blogger takes over and becomes the first celibate president (also see) of the free world
14. Olympic website crashes because of un-christian behaviour of torch guardians, and the digital village is smitten off the face of the earth
15. Distraught preacher-girl converts to catholicism, and becomes the first female pope
16. The Olympics are called off, and then awarded to a jointly hosted bid by Darfur, Tibet and Palestine.
17. World war III ensues

Note: There is a science-fiction movie script in there which would beat the pants of any movie about people marooned in an elevator.

Militant Love

What explains such militant love for politicians ? Currency-note-portrait-lover syndrome ?

As chronic fellow sufferers of the same condition I urge this blogger, and the writer of this post to seek each other out, (and if possible) get married, have offspring etc.

I am willing to conduct a harambee for the wedding, become a god-father to their progeny, donate a few organs if necessary — just to make it possible.

Religious abduction

One of our accountants has been trying to convert me. “Join me in Rapture….” he says, “…for the day of reckoning is not far…”. When Rapture occurs, he shall disappear into thin air, transported away miraculously by the power of the holy spirit.

“What about your stuff…does that go with you?”, I ask him.
“No..only the spirit shall be transported”, he says with some certainty.

“Can you leave your things to me then ?”, I said, thinking about his hat collection.

Expats and Assassins

I met a group of Jesus-expats (expats who peddle jesus) from my American mid-west town at Java House (local coffee+fast-food chain). They were all fat, munching cookies, and dressed in identical T-Shirts (with sweat patches around the armpits) that said:

“Mzungus deserve respect too!”

and on the back:

“We are humans with names too,
don’t throw stones at us,
and chase us for money.
May the lord be with you”

The odd thing about it was there was a cookie munching African-American guy wearing the same T-Shirt.

I am willing to sponsor an assassination, preferably something painful, like nailing their balls to a cross.

Two, contrasting, but interesting blogs

I found this blog : Rants and Raves of a Kenyan Gay man. And so I circulated the link among our Kenyan staff in the office (its an NGO, lots of free time for everyone to read blogs).
Plenty of fun watching varying expressions of dismay and horror – our accountant (his car has an ominous bumper sticker that says : “In case of Rapture, this car will be Driverless”) even crossed himself as if he had seen Count Dracula!

That said, the blog is actually very good. There is a sense of purpose and self awareness about the writer, absent in so many other blogs. The comment box is particularly humorous, and recommended reading, if at least to get a sense of popular reaction, if not for the snarky responses of the blog author.

Then I found this blog by someone called Wendwa. Have been left feeling uncertain if the whole thing is actually a finely laid out joke. At first glance it appears to be a militantly Godly blog, lines from the bible ambushing the reader at every turn, and prayers sprayed around like machine gun fire.

Yet, on the other hand, there are such lust filled posts, as this (titled: “Bless me while I masturbate”!) which left me quite amused, and also feeling a little dirty (and it takes a bit to make me feel dirty).

Most suspicious is the title of the blog itself: “set the trumpet to thy mouth (hos 8:1)”.
Bring trumpety trumpet to thine mouth? What kind of metaphorical trumpet would that be? Hmmm….
Overall, a good read, a writer with some expressive talents.

UPDATE:

A reader wrote in that this blogger, a subject of the above post, has accidentaly deleted all the blog posts, and also changed the title of the blog. What gives?